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El  Mundo  Loco HONI  SOIT  QUI  MERDE  Y  PENSE We bring you a summary of the latest headlines from around a crazy world All content subject to Copyright ... SZ

The thinking person's news journal

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World news Australian news We write without fear or favour                                                                                 ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ CIA to investigate Government leaks at White House. "The whole bloody lawn stinks," complains fed up gardener. Dolly Parton collapses on stage during performance. Bravely carries on supported by four stagehands,  two abreast.      our  POLICY   We respect all religions politics nationalities races genders and ideologies We have no desire to offend anyone.  No malicious offence is intended.   Thousands of illegal immigrants swarm across US-Mexican border seeking a better life. Mexican border guards push them back. President speaks from hospital bed. "I think Ahmadine- #$%! -jad has put a curse on me. My testicles are infested with the fleas of a thousand camels". Prince Charles finally crowned.  "About time" says wife. Police arrest wife Camilla. Prince Charles tells police "She crowned me with that heavy fryFriday, 25 June 201025/06/2010Friday, 25 June 2010pan I bought her on our anniversary. Now I've got three bloody big lumps on my head." Usher of the Black Rod injured during fracas in British House of Lords. The Usher was rushed to hospital where doctors are desperately trying to extract the Black Rod.  Nervous Queen issues dire warning to doctors, "Careful, you #$%# idiots.  Don't break the rod."

Israeli-Vatican  reconciliation talks break down.
An agreement could not be reached at the conference due to personal differences between the two chief negotiators, Rabbi Donegal FitzPatrick and Cardinal Ishmael Rabinowitz.

Rasputin's shriveled penis fetches record price of  $ 64,000,000 at auction.
"We are so excited," says auction house spokesman. "We also offered options for Bush's and Obama's appendages but the bidding didn't even reach the reserve price of  $1."

  Australia 
Pauline Hanson has black baby.
Ernie Dingo leaves town.

  Australia 
PM Kevin Rudd ousted before completion of first term in office.
Ex-PM John Howard last seen being carried off on a stretcher, strapped down and suffering from an 
uncontrollable fit of the giggles.

Vice squad arrests George Bush on thanksgiving day.
"We raided his house and caught him in the kitchen with his hand up a turkey's - er - rear end," 
Says vice squad spokesman

Man about town, Bill Clinton, caught in pawn shop buying phonography
and sax books for his daughter.
"I was only trying to further Chelsea's musical career," explains an embarrassed Mr Clinton.

President Obama withdraws invitation to Bin Laden to attend White House function.
"I misunderstood his request," explains confused President. "I thought he just wanted me to introduce him
to 72 Virginians."

Russia adopts English proverbs.
The English proverb "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" has now been adopted in Russia as
"A bird in the dachau is worth two in Gorky park", meaning "If you want some class, you must expect
to pay for it".

Latest British census reveals royal aspirations of English youth.
According to the latest British census, the ambition of over 80% of English boys is to become
Queen of England.

New product achieves record sales at giant department store.
"The 'joker set of perforated condoms' has exceeded all sales expectations in the toy department," enthuses sales manager.

Vladimir Putin takes media on tour of his new house on Russia's east coast.
From an upstairs window Mr. Putin waves across the Bering strait. "Look! Now I can see Sarah Palin's house from Russia," he points out to the media.

Amazing new rubbery adhesive discovered by NASA scientist. 
It can be stretched, squeezed, molded, rolled, is indestructible and adheres to anything.
"I don't know how I found it," explains humble discoverer. "I was just wiping my nose and suddenly ....
there it was on the tips of my fingers."

Russian astronauts make first landing on Mars.
"It looks like someone's been here before us", the expedition leader reported back to base.
"The surface is covered with pizza cartons, beefburger wrappings, Coke bottles, urine stains and a condom."

Ageing rock star Mick Jagger's young wife seeks "Fountain of Youth" elixir
to reverse medical condition.
Jagger's young wife complains she can feel old age creeping on at nights.

  Movie news 
Mel Gibson cancels plans for new nativity movie.
"I searched all over Hollywood but couldn't find three wise men or a virgin," he explains to the media.